What Every Couple Needs to Know Before Starting Couples Therapy: Insights from a Marriage Couples Counselor in Portland, Oregon.
Being a marriage couples counselor in Portland for several years, I believe every couple deserves a loving and healthy relationship. After all, what else will bring more joy than having a partner in your life? However, there are times when a relationship's dynamics turn into something different than what the couple expected. In such times, one becomes uncertain about the next step, and that's where couples therapy comes in.
Marriage counseling is a powerful tool for helping couples navigate the often complex and challenging terrain of their relationships. Whether you're struggling with communication issues, infidelity, or simply feeling disconnected and dissatisfied in your relationship, working with a well-trained couples therapist can help you learn how to build a strong marriage. If you're considering couples therapy or marriage counseling, here are a few things a couples' therapist in Portland, Oregon wishes every couple knew before starting therapy.
1. Seek Therapy Before You're at Your Breaking point
A common misconception about couples therapy is that it is reserved for relationships that are on the brink of collapse. However, the sooner you seek therapy, the better. The idea is to use therapy as a preventive measure and address the issues early on before they spiral out of control and lead to the relationship's permanent damage. It is essential to remember that therapy is not a sign of weakness, but rather a proactive step towards maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
Premarital counseling is another preventive measure that couples can undertake. Studies have shown the general effectiveness of premarital counseling in creating a solid foundation for couples to build their lives together and prepare them for any challenges that may arise in the future. By addressing potential issues before they become major problems, couples gain skills and tools to navigate difficulties constructively and effectively, preventing future conflicts and misunderstandings.
2. Going to Therapy does NOT mean Admitting Defeat or Failure in the Relationship
Many avoid seeking couples therapy because they feel it's an admission of failure or defeat in their relationship. However, nothing could be further from the truth. Seeking counseling shows a willingness to work on the relationship and a commitment to growth and improvement. Therapy provides a safe and supportive space where you and your partner can explore your feelings and develop new tools and strategies for a lasting and fulfilling partnership. Instead of seeing it as a last-ditch effort, consider therapy as an investment in your relationship's well-being and longevity.
3. Couples Therapy is Not Just for Relationships in Crisis
Another common misconception about couples therapy is that it is only for relationships on the brink of collapse. However, therapy can benefit any couple, regardless of their current relationship status. It can offer a space to strengthen communication, deepen intimacy, and work through individual issues that may be impacting the relationship. Couples therapy is not just for crises, but also for building a strong and healthy relationship.
4. Be Open and Honest During Couples Therapy
It's not uncommon for couples to hold back during therapy sessions. We understand that you may feel that if you share too much or speak your true emotions, your partner may be hurt or end the relationship entirely. However, as a therapist, we cannot stress how important it is to be open and honest during therapy sessions.
The therapist can only help to the extent that they know what's going on. Expressing yourself and being open and kind during counseling sessions is crucial in facilitating a successful experience, even if it may feel uncomfortable. A lot of people end up feeling better and relieved after choosing to share their thoughts and feelings openly and honestly. Remember, the goal is to improve your relationship, and that requires vulnerability and honesty.
5. Find the Right Couples Therapist for You
When searching for a couples therapist, it's important to find a therapist who is a good fit for you and your needs. Finding the right therapist requires researching potential candidates and asking questions to ensure they have experience working with couples facing similar issues. A few questions you can ask your potential therapists are:
What experience do you have working with couples?
How do you approach conflicts and communication issues within a relationship?
Are there any specific techniques or methods you use in couples therapy?
How often will we meet for sessions, and how long are they typically?
It's also essential to consider the therapist's personality and communication style. You want someone who you feel comfortable opening up to, as this will greatly impact the effectiveness of therapy sessions.
6. The Couples Therapist is Not There to Take Sides
One of the main reasons people hesitate to start marriage counseling is the fear that the therapist will take sides. But this couldn't be further from the truth. A well-trained couples therapist does not take sides and is there to help both you and your partner overcome relationship challenges. Our role as therapists is to help you identify and acknowledge problematic issues in your communication or behavior and teach you both how to work together to resolve them. Whether you're experiencing infidelity, communication problems, or any other marital issues, our goal is to help you move forward together.
7. Change Will Not Happen Overnight
When most couples come in for therapy, they expect quick solutions to their problems. While marriage counseling can indeed be incredibly beneficial, it is not a quick fix. Therapy is not a magic pill to make your problems go away immediately. Instead, it's a process of working through problems and developing healthier communication and relationship habits. It takes time, effort, and commitment from both partners. The healing process can take some time, and it will vary based on the couple's specific situation.
It is important to approach therapy with an open mind and understand that it will take work to bring about long-lasting change. Be patient and stay committed to the process. Study shows that couples who stick with therapy and actively work on their relationship see significant improvements in their communication, emotional connection, and overall satisfaction. Therefore, trust the process and give it time.
Couples therapy can be a beneficial option for couples who are experiencing difficulties in their relationship. Seeking therapy before you're at the breaking point, being open and honest, and understanding that change takes time are essential tips for every couple. I also encourage couples to undertake premarital counseling as a way to build a strong foundation for their relationship.
At Spark Relational Counseling, our approach to therapy is experiential, offering a supportive and nurturing environment for couples to work through their issues. We enjoy using evidence-based practices and treatment to help you navigate the intricate dynamics of relationships and individual growth. Located in Oregon, we extend our services online to Illinois, Washington, and Oregon, specializing in couples and marriage counseling, premarital counseling, multicultural counseling, and individual counseling for dating, intimacy, high achievers, and business owners. Our approach is rooted in experiential methods that help you slow down, attune to difficult feelings in a way that feels manageable, and facilitate corrective emotional experiences, resulting in increased ease and stronger connections.
Are You Ready to Begin Couples Therapy in Portland?
If you and your partner are interested in couples counseling, please feel welcome to reach out. We'd be happy to answer any questions that you may have and give you more information on our services. We have helped couples at various points in their relationships, and I would be excited to be a part of your journey toward a strong and fulfilling marriage.
Four Steps to a Stronger, Long lasting Marriage, Through Online Couples Counseling in Portland, Oregon,
1) Request to talk to a skilled couples therapist.
Fill out our brief contact form and one of our therapists will contact you within 24-48 hours ( except for holidays). In the meantime, explore FAQs and prepare for any additional questions you may have.
2) Talk to a therapist and schedule an online couples counseling session
One of our expert relationship therapists will contact you by phone for a free 15-minute consultation to make sure we're a good fit. Then, you'll be able to schedule an online couples counseling session.
3) Share with Us a Little more Background on Your Relationship
We will send you and our partner a secure in-take link to give us some more background information on your situation to help your therapist understand you a bit more so that they can make your first session as effective and helpful as it can be.
4) Have your First Online Couples Counseling Session
Your first session will mostly be assessment in nature, but we do want you to have a good experience and to start learning effective communication tools right away. Most couples experience a sense of relief that they have taken the first steps together towards a better relationship and feel hopeful to have found a therapist who can help.
